Mr. Taxi Driver's Guide to Life

Sunday afternoon. I, Bambi and Zarah Grace set out on half-day church visitation and promotion for our upcoming District Concert. After our visit to Manila Faith Assembly of God in Tondo, we set our eyes on Grace Christian Assembly of God in Sampaloc, Manila. And we hailed a cab to take us there.

On the way to our next destination, we meet a long parade of election campaign of a candidate for counselor whose surname is "Tan." He stands on a top window of a car waving to the people, preceded by a long line of more or less 30 tricycles donned with campaign paraphernalia. Then our driver beside me remarked something like this, "300 pesos daw ang ibinayad diyan sa mga tricycle drivers na yan, biruin mo nga naman ang nagagawa ng pera." Then he followed, "Dapat hindi binoboto ang mga ganyan..." With an amused chuckle I asked why. "Kasi tignan mo, 'Tan' ang apelido!" Then something like a big red siren popped on my head. "Alam niyo po, 'Tan' din ho ang apelido ko, bakit naman ho hindi dapat iboto kapag 'Tan'?" I thought unraveling this fact would somehow embarrass him but he kept on going. He was angry with foreigners, 'Intsik' and Americans alike.

Now, the term 'Intsik' is a derogatory word for the Filipino-Chinese, similar to the term 'Indio,' and a person who knows someone who is Chinese should know that. Sometimes I let it pass for benefit of the doubt and friendship

He was angry because somehow he believed that ALL foreigners are out to get all the power and money of Filipinos. He was angry at the rich because he thinks ALL of them got their wealth from evil gain. He was angry at the government, he was pro-Marcos, in good terms with Estrada, but very disappointed with Gloria because of her lack of concern with the price-hike of consumer products. As I reason with him, I told him that not all Chinese are like that. Not all rich people are like that. In fact, if a person works hard and keeps an honest hand, I believe he will prosper and his work will not be in vain. On both sides of the economic spectrum dwell both good and evil. Good bosses and good employees. But also from the rich dwell those who are corrupt and seek to take advantage of the poor. From the poor rise drug users, snatchers and prostitutes.

I asked him, "Wala ka na bang pag-asa sa bansa natin?" "Ay wala na po. Dati may business ako, bumagsak. Nagsisipag ako pero wala namang nangyari. Wala ring nangyayari." With those remarks, I was stunned with the bitter reality we're in. We arrive at our destination.

It's sad that there are millions of people like Mr. Taxi Driver who because of poverty somehow lost the sense of openness, goodwill and hope. They have become narrow-minded, paranoid and bitter with their state of life. Utak-squatter (the Proverb's "simple ones"). A proverb once said that the last one to die is hope. And what's there to life if there is no more hope? After that episode I accepted the fact that somehow we cannot blame this person for reacting to life this way. Who's fault is it? Why? Questions answered perhaps when we finally meet Him. But I believe that if we just stop blaming other people for our misery and start taking responsibility and make right decisions in our own lives, the realization of who God is and who we are in His eyes, that would be the beginning of true transformation.

Just woke up.

Random thoughts:

It is concerning to think about what's been happening to Indonesia. For the last few months they've been suffering several tragedies consecutively. They are losing citizens by the hundreds. Can't help to think they're the largest nation of one faith. Indeed out of every tragedy God has a plan. What's His plan for Indonesia?

Raving on the new iPhone by Apple. An iPod and a phone in one. I love the touchscreen feature and more on their website. I want one. But the initial selling price is worth $500-$600!

Evaluating the eight spokes of my life (Warning: it's an endless post)

Morning. I'm supposed to have a video coverage today with my pastor in our church planting site in Valenzuela. After taking a bath and a shave, he called to say our meeting would be cancelled because he isn't feeling well. Oh well, it's cool. I have the morning to blog and re-evaluate.

The year's almost coming to an end. I'd say every year is a season of pruning, learning, building relationships, molding and discovering. I have matured and continuing to do so. I am blessed with opportunities to make an impact in several ways. I believe this year's a time of preparation and refinement of my call, all in God's sovereign purpose of which I am or may not be aware of. I have become a multi-tasker, which at first I like doing, but now gets the toll on my health, though not in a serious way, but if I wouldn't take care of myself it would be heading there.

I would like to evaluate myself based on the 8 spokes of life (I learned this from Dr. Chuck Quinley when I was in his Personal Life Management class, so good): Spiritual, family, health, social, ministry, career, financial and personal.

Spiritual life. My personal relationship with the Lord. There are times its on a high, there are times its on a low - mostly because of my doing. I am not yet perfect, but I thank Him that He continues to reveal who He is to me. Truly when you get to know Him more, the more you have reasons to love Him. He is a loving Father. I wouldn't forget what Ptr. Tom said during the young adults convergence back in October, that I cannot pretend before God. This helps me to come before Him not pretending to be OK when I'm not and to freely worship Him with more "undignity" because He deserves it. I am not content with my relationship with Him, though I'm thankful with what I have now. I want it to be stronger, me more broken and sensitive to His will.

Family. My family is doing OK. I have loving parents and a great brother. The issue with work doesn't resurface often anymore. I try to help the best I could. I love them, and sometimes it hits me when the time would come that they or I won't be around. Honestly it gives me an adult fear. I just wish that my parents would spend and love "life" with us together. If got the chance I would like to take them to the beach or picnic or something. Enjoy something together as a family. Isn't that the father's initiative?

Health. I have no continuous source of exercice except for walking and walking and walking. I thank God that I have not suffer any serious illness because of too much work. But there are times when sleep is less, I just want a good and complete sleep. I take vitamins to cope up with loss of natural source of healthy lifestyle (food, exercise, sleep), whom some say is already a point of concern because of that mindset. I do Badminton once in a while and I would like to make it more routinal. I do eat a lot, because I love eating and it's obvious that I've gained weight specially on the tummy. I would like to hit the gym again, which is only inches away (I have a benchpress at home which is collecting cobwebs). But it's not so bad. With my tasks God continues to give grace so that my body won't break down. And I believe that when it's God's work you're doing He has your health insurace covered, just don't push it.

Social. I am blessed with friends in the ministry especially those whom I could share life, struggles and dreams with without trying to be a hero. They are hidden springs who I can retreat to and just remind myself that I'm just a human who need friends. I appreciate ministry relationships with colleagues and the younger leaders whom I am fond of. Even my relationship with our youth core I appreciate, truly we are growing together and maturing, some of the fruits we are enjoying as I write. I am glad that my past relationships is continuing to heal and has covered much ground. I've learned a lot. I am amazed at how God needed to whack me more than once to get His point across. Now I got it. Today I'm going out with and getting to know someone whom I so fond of spending time with. And now I have placed God in the center of that relationship. In due time I will talk about her more here.

Ministry. What else could I say about this. I'm humbled that God would open opportunities to serve Him as a youth pastor, a sectional youth coordinator, a campus worker and a ministry product developer.. and some more that could use some help in between. Though it's pushing itself into my other spokes, which is a point of concern. It's not more an issue of health, toil is nothing when you love doing what you're doing, but of relationships that are endangered to be neglected and taken for granted. I've specially committed myself to work on my relationships especially my love life on a competitive priority, because in order a desired goal to really happen one should give time and effort right? Ministry-wise I am content with what He has given me and I just want to cultivate and let them grow.

Career. Being a designer lately has been a source of stress for me. With the demands of ministry I still have to push them into the schedule. But what's one gotta do in order to provide for his family? I love expressing art and executing creativity, but pulling in the next payment for the bills gets the greater purpose of work today. It's a thing to be done. School on average demands time and energy, it's a non-negotiable. My season in the bible school I realized is a time of refining and unveiling of His long-term purpose for my ministry. I am glad that I have this season to really pray and discern what He wants me to do when I get out.

Financial. The bottom line - I'm still alive. I thank Him that He meets both ends. There are times of abundance and lack, but just like Paul say, I learn to be content with the current season. Learning to trust Him for my needs and my family's. Though I need to trim down on excesses because I'm a self-confessed extravagant sometimes even impulsive spender.

Personal. Am I happy with my life? Yes? Though sometimes my face doesn't show it, mukha lang talaga akong bato. But I'm happy with what He is doing in my life. I don't know where I'd be if I never knew Him. I learned to not to copy other people because I am my unique self, with my own ways to express care and love for others. I tend not to listen to other people's judgments anymore because my real friends know me. I'm not rude, just introvert, I was chatting with Chad of Cebu about this one time because I learned that we have almost the same personality and personality struggles. I learned I'm not really suplado, just shy. And the real solution is not to change from being suplado to "hi-hello" friendliness which could sometimes be hyporcitical, but to change from being shy to being confident in the Lord, now that's biblical (1Ti 1:7).

Congratulations if you finished reading this post. It's a bit long. It's more for me, progressive evaluation and discovery of myself. I constantly need your prayers, I sincerely believe they work wonders in my life.

We just concluded our semi-annual Youth All-out Praise and Worship of section 2 youth department. It was a blast! There were many youths who attended and it was just as good as the last time. Indeed God moved in the place. Lord, this is for you, that was my song for Him as we close this year in the Section 2 Youth. I am very thankful for his goodness and faithfulness in my life. "Goodness" and "faithfulness" cannot even justify his gracious work in my life. He far did better in its purer sense. Sometimes you keep asking God, "why me?"

Coming from the event, I was a little discouraged with what was going on with our youth lately. Well, I guess some of it is just out of impulse of emotion. But that noon I physically felt a pain of sorrow in my chest because some people are not enthusiastic about getting together. It was really sad. All I could do was pray. I wish I could have someone listen AND understand what I feel but I guess that's part of the call I've embraced. I could imagine and feel what a pastor feels when he feels he doesn't get 100% support.

But indeed in exchange of sorrow and mourning our God has given me joy when I see young people get on fire for God. My only prayer is that from these breed would rise catalysts and change agents of our time. Our speaker Ptr. Sur mentioned about an article in a journal about the current psyche of our youth, that they are people who dwell in tribes, they live in a "cut and paste" lifestyle - meaning whatever seems fit (good or bad) for me, I will take it. Young people live in social tribes where in they share common ideologies and uphold one another's perspectives and would "die" defending one, good or bad. If indeed they are tribes, may they be tribes who would just die for Jesus, who in unity would invade unchartered territories and make it God's. I pray that God would raise up warriors who are willing to lavishly pour out his life for Him, those who would forcefully advance the kingdom of God further and increase it's borders.

Thank you Lord that I'm living in Your-story.

Your faithful love has always been there for me
The greatest love that I've ever known
What can I give to You for all You've given to me?
You gave it all and You are all I need

You are my King, You are my God
The praises I bring, they come from my heart

This is for You for all You've done for me
And I wanted to show You how much You mean my God
My God

Playing from the sides as the people worship I thought, there is still hope. It's not so bad after all, meaning there's still a silver lining on every cloud right. It's just one of those things being in the moment when you think it sucks. This morning was an overwhelming presence of God. I am grateful for His amazing grace - AMAZING indeed. Recovering from burn-out is one of the greatest waterfalls of life. "Finishing Strong" has really helped me get back on track. A fellowship restored, an intimate bond revived. I am praying for His will for me right now, pray also for me that He may reveal it to me soon. For now I just want to bask in His presence.

I felt discouraged last night about our band practice. For the nth time there was again conflict between our band members and the sound tech (even if I already preached on conflict management last time!) I felt there was injustice. It left a band member hopelessly crying. I came to church prepared and light-hearted, I was the prayer meeting leader. And all members even were part of the prayer meeting, then for a short-span of time, they just placed everything on the garbage. What an insult to the Spirit of God. Shame. It's like we're living on the flesh and ignoring the spiritual essenses of being a body of Christ. I left with a headache. Good thing the pastor's wife was there to soften the tension. But she too was very concerned.

There seems no hope for our church. Only Christ's love and presence will change all this. It was like the Spirit was lifted off our church. Everything's a routine, mediocrity, and going about the motions. Going home I thought, what's the use of a church who doesn't produce souls for already such a long time? We are just spending money, time, energy maintaining people so that they won't leave the church. What's the use of a church who doesn't fulfill it's three-fold Commission? Really. These are the times that I would just want out. Too bad the reason why I'm so affected because I love this church so much.

Today I had to refuse my speaking engagement in another youth group next week. It was a hard call. But I need to attend to our youth. For sometime now we have inconsistent meetings due to outside activities and the storm.

Lord, I'm getting losing hope. Change our hearts and let us be searing-hot passionate for you.

Cease striving and know that I am God.

Please pray with me as there are opportunities for me to go out Singapore for the Carecell Conference in Trinity Christian Church and Indonesia for the Asia Pacific Youth Conference. For the future.

I wrote in a pad last week...

"I'm sitting at a restaurant bar looking across a pool of tables. People eating, coversing. Some eating by themselves. As I observe I ask myself, "What could be going on her mind? Is she aware of her aloneness? Is she happy, contented?"

Why do people travel great lengths just be alone? Could it be pursuit of peace? Could it be that in doing so she would finally find her center, her being? Away from the prying eyes and hallow conversations. Perhaps life for her is just passing, where at one time you are here but tomorrow you go and hardly anyone notices?

Indeed life would be much bearable with someone to journey with.