Today marks our month-sary. We agreed to go to church together as thanksgiving to God for each other. After morning service, I met her in Megamall and then went to Word for the World in Makati, that's also where my school is. Never did I knew that God will confront me there.

The message hit me bullseye. As if God orchestrated for me to be there and admonish me. As I've shared before I've been experiencing frustrations in ministry for more than over a week now. And even if I managed to get my message across this morning, it was by God's grace. It's already draining my joy and getting up seemed hard. Ptr. Raymund Ladao's first intro was "have you ever experienced frustration?" His text is about the prophet Jeremiah dealing with his own frustrations and how God changed the course of his outloook. I've wallowed in this pit of self-pity and KSP-ness that I've become conceited and self-serving. God confronted me on my attitude and countenance. Some of his points were: People will frustrate us, do not let frustration get the best of you, God's justice comes in His time not our own, never focus on people, and ultimately focus your eyes of Jesus which is all that matters. During the altar call I've reconciled with Him knowing that these feelings doesn't glorify Him. I felt God's embrace and I couldn't help but cry as a wounded child-warrior to my Father's shoulder. I was yearning to meet Him this week, and I did. Truly it's amazing how God answers prayer!

I've realized the bittersweet life of being a pastor. There are victories and room for learning from the past. I think I already know how a parent feels when their children "doesn't need them anymore." The feeling of rejection just suffocates the heart. That's when I realize I've attached myself to the ministry and not anymore to Jesus in whom alone I must seek to please. I am not Superman, I am just as human who experiences moments of disillusionment just as the people I minister too. Please continually life me up in your prayers.

I'm doing better now. Praise God for His faithfulness.

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Jeremiah 12:5, "If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

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Jeremiah 20:9, "If I say, 'I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."

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Hide me now under Your wings | Cover me with Your mighty hands | When the oceans rise and thunders roar | I will soar with You above the storm | Father, You are King over the flood | I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul in Christ alone | Know His power in quietness and trust | When the oceans rise and thunders roar | I will soar with You above the storm | Father, You are King over the flood | I will be still and know You are God

Becoming A 5-Star Steward

My message for this month's theme on stewardship:

Matthew 25:29, "For everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away."

Text: The Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)

• Acknowledge the real Source
• Attitude is the key
• I am blessed to bless others
• Stop looking at other people's plate
• Accountability reaps rewards
• God looks at the quality of our efforts (not quantity)
• God loves excellent work
• God promotes those who are faithful in little things
  
• Apathy avoids the happy life
• Fear robs us of better things that God has prepared to those who love Him.

Inspiring quote by Martin Luther:
"The maid who sweeps her kitchen is doing the will of God just as much as the monk who prays – not because she may sing a Christian hymn as she sweeps but because God loves clean floors. The Christian shoemaker does his Christian duty not by putting little crosses on the shoes, but by making good shoes, because God is interested in good craftsmanship."

I'm here right now in SM Mania. I had some photos printed. The youth are in Mall of Asia having their outdoor cellgroups. I had to stay at church this afternoon because I had to meet a young couple who responded to the altar call last time we had our Christmas concert. It was a fruitful talk I believe. Please do pray for them. I'm currently downloading this video for my illustration tomorrow when I stand on the pulpit. Amazingly, my sermon got through pretty quick this time. Thank God. Not unlike before... sleepless nights.

Tomorrow marks our 1st monthsary. Wow. And don't you "just-just" (basta-bastahin) our one month. One month is one month right? Tomorrow we'll celebrate. I miss her already since the last time we were together in UP Los Banos. I went there to take some video for this AVP I'm doing for Chi Alpha. On Wednesday I'm going up to Baguio for this campus ministry event.

I'm going now.

In her clinic.

It's been a while since I have blogged. Schedules have been busy lately. I'm blogging here in Starbucks near our school. This morning I woke up early with lack of sleep just like the past few days. Hurried to prepare because I had a meeting with one of my freelance clients in Makati. After the meeting had lunch and went here because perhaps the library is still closed few minutes after chapel service at school.

I've undergone a series of downers and drainers in the past few days. It's one of those days again. What's the use of doing all this if not for Him? I need a fresh encounter with Him again. I do thank God for giving me a partner whom just her mere company wipes out my exhaustion. Next week I'm going up to Baguio for a campus ministry event, hopefully I would find rest there. Please do include me in your prayers.

• Physical, mental endurance
• Protection from troubles and temptations
• Provision of resources need for me to do my ministry

Song For You

by The Carpenters

I've been so many places in my life and time | I've sung a lot of songs and I've made some bad rhymes | I've acted out my life in stages with ten thousand people watching | But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be | I've treated you unkindly but darling can't you see | There's no one more important to me | Baby, can't you see it through me | 'Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets of a true love withholding nothing | You came out in front when I was hiding | But now its so much better and if my words don't quite come together | Listen to the melody 'cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there is no space or time | I love you for my life, you are a friend of mine | And when my life is over remember when we were together | We are alone now, and I'm singing this song to you

This was an interesting day. Ate Merla and I met to take some footage of the University Belt. I'm making a video presentation for Chi-Alpha promotion. It's good to be back in the University Belt. We started with UE, San Sebastian, CEU, FEU, PSBA then UST, my alma mater. Going into UST, there's something nostalgic about the campus. It brought back a lot of memories during college. A lot though has changed... for the better.

Embarrassing as it sounds, I haven't got my diploma since I graduated in 2004. I've been wanting to get it but I didn't had the chance to be in the area until now. So I went to the Main Building and processed my diploma. It took less than an hour and my BS Architecture diploma was already in my hands. I know it will mean a lot to my parents.



After I and Ate Merla parted ways, I went to Ortigas to see Netty. I missed the girl so much. We've realized that seeing each other once a week wasn't enough even though we talk over the phone every evening. But in part, being away for a while brought some benefit, that we missed and longed to see each other more. We went to Market! Market! for dinner. At first we ought to see a movie, but we thought it won't really allow us to just talk and catch up. So after dinner we went to Starbucks in EDSA Central and stayed and talk some more. I've been wanting for us to pray together to dedicate our relationship to the Lord, though I know both of us have been continuously praying for each other. As we leave, we prayed a prayer of dedication and thanksgiving for His goodness to us and each other. I love her more today and everyday it grows.

Today I had a very fruitful meeting with my pastor. We had lunch in this newly opened authentic noodle house in Benavidez, I don't know what's it called because it's in Chinese. Their space is small and people are really willing to wait for vacant tables just to eat there. We had our fair share of waiting and waiting until finally we got to sit with a stranger couple. Nevertheless, it's about the noodle, my pastor brags, and truly one could say it is truly an authentic noodle house. Their managers are GI's (inside term meaning genuine Intsik - those who came from the mainland). It's new, it's good, it's affordable and in demand.

In the afternoon our youth visited MV Doulos instead of our usual fellowship. Since 2007 it's surprising that our attendance has climbed compared to the previous year. We had to walk from church over to Jones Bridge where the South Harbor jeep passes. I've realized that I have a fascination with tunnels under the bridge, I don't know why. When we reached the pier, it was another walk to the dock itself and to our shock the queue was so long. But after 30 minutes more or less we're in. Bookstore is still the same after 6 years since I've been into Doulos. It's difficult to buy books because there's so much to choose from. In the end I bought 3 books: "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot, "Divine Intervention" by James Edwards, and "The Day I was Crucified: As Told by Jesus Christ" by Gene Edwards. Who cannot miss the famous Doulos homemade ice cream. Even though the queue was again long, I had to Binondo and had dinner at McDonald's. It was a fruitful day for me. 3 new books to read.

Just woke up.

Random thoughts:

It is concerning to think about what's been happening to Indonesia. For the last few months they've been suffering several tragedies consecutively. They are losing citizens by the hundreds. Can't help to think they're the largest nation of one faith. Indeed out of every tragedy God has a plan. What's His plan for Indonesia?

Raving on the new iPhone by Apple. An iPod and a phone in one. I love the touchscreen feature and more on their website. I want one. But the initial selling price is worth $500-$600!

Why Don't You Look into Jesus

by Holy Soldier

Latest favorite song. Listen in YouTube.

Sipping whiskey from a paper cup | You drown your sorrows till you can't stand up | Take a look at what you've done to yourself | Why don't you put the bottle back on the shelf |
Yellow fingered from your cigarettes | Your hands are shakin' while your body sweats | You work all night, you sleep all day | You take your money and throw it all away

[+] Why don't you look into Jesus | Look into Jesus, look into Jesus | You know He's got the answer

H.I.V. on Valentines Day | And you're still lookin' for the perfect lay | You think that rock and roll will set you free | Honey, you'll be deaf before you're 33 |
Shooting junk till you're half insane. | A broken needle in your purple vein. | You say you're gonna be a superstar | but you never really found out who you really are.

Thinking back when you were a child | Your soul was free and you heart ran wild | Things have changed, you're older now | If you're unhappy and you don't know how

It was a very productive day. Highlights of the day:

• Joined with youth pastors and leaders for an 8-hour planning of the National Youth Ministry Network's events for 2007. This year's gonna be exciting.
  
• Went to Robinson's Manila. Bought a new optical mouse for our PC, a polo shirt from Bench, and 50 grams of assorted nuts in Toby's.
• Went to church and waited for my family to finish worship practice.
• Went to visit a church member in the hospital.
• Had tapsilog in Lola Ellis
• Talked to Netty on the phone. I miss her already.
  

For those who don't know yet, I collect driving violations like collecting stamps. This is a remarkable story, I just have to share this.

Week before Christmas I got a traffic violation for beating the red light in North Harbor. The traffic light there is crazy. It goes green for like two seconds and at that time when you're halfway it goes yellow then the traffic officer stops you. I hate it. I got yielded by the officer. I thought of running off - no use, they are now equipped with motorcycles. The Manila police came by the window asking for my driver's license. Knowing the usual way they would bargain to just give a little for them to let you go, I told him just cut the crap (no, I didn't really say word for word) and just give me a ticket. I was hot-tempered, feeling stupid again because I got the ticket again. Fine: P2,000.00, like I would just fling my wallet and there it was.

December 26. I went to Manila City Hall to pay the fine and get my license. As I stood at the back of the line, a Manila police approached me and asked for my ticket. He told me I will be fined for P2,000 for reckless driving, which I already knew, and that he could get it for me on a 'discount'. He didn't gave me time to butt in, I followed him to the processing office. And as he explained what that 'discount' meant, I told him I can't do that because I'm a pastor and I'm willing to pay the fine. After that, he stopped bugging me and referred me to a young guy named DJ. DJ checked on my license and to our surprise my license hasn't been turned over yet. He told me to have my ticket extended and just come back in a few days.

January 3, Wednesday, coding day. Took the LRT to City Hall. Another fixer took my ticket into the office hoping for a profit. By the window I saw the guy talking to DJ and from their conversation it seemed like DJ told the guy what I do, so after that he left us. DJ told me my ticket wasn't in yet. I let him know that I was very concerned. He knew and was pretty concerned also. He told me that the officer who took my license looked like he extended his holiday. In an effort to help me retrieve my license. He offered to take his motorcycle and go to the site to pick up the ticket. He asked me to wait for 15 minutes, which was really 45 minutes. He came back without it. Then he got a tip that the guy was in another place so he went off again. All-in-all I was there for two hours listening to the loudspeakers. He didn't find it. So apologetically he asked me to come back the next day and perhaps the guy would finally surrender the licenses to their office.

January 4. Before going to the City Hall I dropped my mom and bro to go to clinic for a check-up. As I pass through the same road where I was first yielded, then the worse happened. I got halted by a yellow light, exactly the same as before. Another officer stopped me. I thought of running off again. But I just can't. I handed him a violation ticket to his surprise. And asked me if I am willing to pay P4,000 for total violations. Now that is crazy. And I was boiling hot. The guy got some. I was really angry at myself for being really stupid. I just wanted to explode. I pleaded mercy, since it was new year perhaps he could shower me a little kindness. Didn't work. He gave me another option, 'settle it' and he'd scratch the fresh violation. I told him I can't, "boss, pastor po ako." He left and went to his superior. I started to pray.

The sarjento came and repeated the same thing. I told him if I got my license way back on time I wouldn't be driving here and be caught again. He learned that I am from Caloocan and confided that he was a Caloocan boy also. He told me we could settle this, I told him I can't bribe. He raised his voice at me as if insulted and said that he's not talking about bribing him and he just wanted to help me settle this in City Hall. I cleared the passenger seat and told him I am willing to go with him to City Hall if he was willing to help me get my license back. I thought so, going with me to City Hall was too hassle for him. He asked for the car's registration papers. He asked for identification of my ministry work and it was true. He left and asked the first guy to settle the issue.

The first police came back and tried to settle it for the last time. He will let me go but again I need to settle the former penalty in the City Hall with him. This puzzled me. But nevertheless, I unlocked the door as a gesture that I am willing to drive us there. Just like his superior he wasn't really willing. For him I was hopeless. Then he told me that the police who first yielded me was with them and he called him. As officer Fernando came I smiled and told him I (and DJ) have been looking for him for the past weeks. He confirmed that he was on vacation. And for the nth time he asked for identification. As he reached in his shirt pocket he pulled out a stack of driver's licenses. And there was mine, worn out and moldy. I was like, what's my license still doing with you? He handed it to me. I asked, "what does this mean?" "If I learned that you're pastor I would have let you off. You're okay now, just drive carefully next time." It haven't sunk in at that time and I said, "God bless you, officer" and drove away wondering what just had happened. No fine, no bribe, yes license.

Wow. I'm still baffled. I mean it wasn't like I'm totally out of fault, but these are the times when I would ask God, "Are you in this?"

She's the one...

Her name is Antonette, Nette for short (she doesn't want to be called Tonette, because it's too gay daw). She's a dentist. She's a youth leader in ICS and a volunteer for Philippine Health Care Ministries as volunteer dentist to various missions local and soon abroad. A woman with a passion for God and the lost. I haven't told her yet, but I'm very proud of her, and I'm grateful to God that He gave me someone as thoughtful and committed to God as her. I'm not into flowery eloquences now, but these thing I know:

• I always want to make her smile and laugh, even at the expense of myself, which I don't normally do.
  
• It's more than 'co-incidence' that our ways have met. Everything fell into place at the right place and the right time.
  
• When we talk, there's no awkward moment even in silence knowing that she is just there and I'm just here.
• I miss her when we're not together. Even when we just met the day before. It seems like days.
• She met my parents, I met hers. And we received blessings from both families.
  
• I have peace in my heart.
  
• I love her already, but the more I spend time and know her that love continues to flourish and grow...
  

I asked her and she said 'yes' on December 28, Thursday, between 10-11PM at Baywalk.

Finally I've found the one whom I'd spend my life with.

Please do pray for us.